How Do I Talk To My Teen About The Core Foundations Program™?

SUMMARY: Talking to your teenager about personal growth and wellbeing can feel challenging, especially if you are worried they might think you are sending them to therapy because something is wrong. In this article, Registered Psychologist Elaine Collins shares five practical conversation starters to help parents introduce The Core Foundations Program™ in a way that feels supportive, collaborative and empowering. Learn how to frame the program as life skills training rather than therapy, explore the four Core Foundations modules, and discover why emotional regulation, confidence, relationships and resilience are skills that can be learned. Includes evidence-based insights, famous quotes and practical guidance to help your young person build strong foundations for life.

Five Conversation Starters To Help Open The Door

"Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded." — Jess Lair

One of the questions parents ask me most often is:

"How do I bring this up without my teenager feeling like I'm sending them to therapy because something is wrong with them?"

It's such an important question.

Because most young people don't want to feel like they're being "fixed".

And the truth is, that's not what The Core Foundations Program™ is about.

This Isn't Therapy. It's Training.

The Core Foundations Program™ is a psychologist-developed life skills program designed to help young people understand themselves, regulate emotions, navigate friendships, manage stress, develop healthy habits and build confidence as they move towards adulthood.

It teaches many of the things that I believe should be taught in schools, but often aren't:

• Understanding emotions and stress.
• Building confidence.
• Managing friendships and conflict.
• Developing healthy habits.
• Handling disappointment and setbacks.
• Study skills and motivation.
• Communication and boundaries.
• Understanding themselves.

Research consistently shows that social-emotional learning and emotional regulation skills are associated with improved academic performance, wellbeing and resilience (Durlak et al., 2011).

Just as we teach young people how to drive a car, play sport or learn an instrument, we can teach them how to understand themselves and navigate life.

As a parent myself, I know these conversations can feel tricky.

Teenagers are all different.

Some value independence.

Some need reassurance.

Some respond to practical explanations.

Some simply need time.

That's why I've created five different conversation starters.

These are not scripts that need to be followed word for word.

Think of them as starting points.

The goal isn't to convince or pressure your young person.

The goal is to create curiosity and communicate:

"There's nothing wrong with you."

"This isn't therapy."

"I love you."

"I believe in you."

"And I want to give you opportunities and life skills that help you thrive."

As Stephen Covey (1989) famously wrote:

"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

Connection matters more than perfection.

Option 1: Life Doesn't Come With Instructions

"Hey, can I run something by you?

Before you think this is therapy or that I think something is wrong with you, that's not what this is about at all.

I've noticed that there can be a lot going on for people your age—school, friends, social media, pressure, overthinking, stress, figuring out who you are and where you fit in.

And maybe some of those things are happening for you right now, or maybe they aren't. I don't want to assume.

What I do know is that, as your parent, I want to give you the best support and opportunities I can to help you live a happy and healthy life. I know I won't always be there to solve problems for you, and part of growing up is learning how to navigate life yourself.

My hope is that as you move into adult life, you have skills that help you understand yourself, handle stress, build good relationships, make decisions, manage setbacks and simply live your life with confidence.

Because honestly, school teaches a lot of important things, but it doesn't really teach us how to deal with stress, confidence, friendships, motivation, emotions or understanding ourselves.

Most adults end up learning those lessons the hard way.

And if I can help give you a bit of a head start, then I'd love to do that.

This isn't therapy.

It's not because I think you need fixing.

It's more like training.

It's run by a psychologist who's also a mum, and it's really about helping young people understand themselves and build skills for life.

I'm wondering, is this something you might be interested in?

What are your thoughts?

Does anything I've said make sense to you?

Would you like to know more about it?

Would you be open to sitting in with me and having a relaxed chat with the coach who runs it, just to see if it's something that might be useful for you right now?

There's no pressure.

You don't have to decide anything straight away.

I just want us to explore whether this could help you build skills that you'll carry with you long after school and into adult life."

Option 2: I Wish Someone Had Given Me This

"Can I tell you something?

If I could go back to being your age, there are so many things I wish someone had taught me.

Not maths or science.

I mean things like understanding stress, confidence, friendships, motivation, disappointment, handling pressure and understanding myself.

Honestly, I had to learn a lot of those things through mistakes and life experience.

And maybe there are things happening for you right now that are stressful or confusing, or maybe there aren't. I don't want to assume.

But as your parent, I want to give you the best opportunities I can. I want you to move into adult life with skills that help you enjoy life, build good relationships and feel confident in yourself.

This isn't therapy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

This is more like a life skills training program.

Think of it as learning things that most adults say they wish they'd learned earlier.

It's run by a psychologist who's also a mum.

What do you think?

Does that sound like something that could actually be useful?

Would you like to know a bit more?

Would you be interested in meeting the coach with me just for a chat and seeing if it's something that feels right for you?

No pressure.

Just exploring possibilities together."

Option 3: Your Future Self Will Thank You

"You know how people train for sport, music or anything they want to get better at?

Nobody thinks there's something wrong with them because they train.

They're investing in themselves.

That's kind of how I see this.

This isn't therapy.

It's training for life.

I know life can sometimes feel busy or stressful, and maybe there are things you're dealing with right now—school, friends, pressure, motivation, confidence—or maybe things are actually going okay.

Either way, I don't want you to wait until you're an adult to figure everything out through trial and error.

As your parent, I want to give you opportunities that help you live a happy and healthy life and make the transition into adulthood with confidence.

I want your future self to thank you.

This program teaches things that I honestly think should be taught in schools.

Things like understanding emotions, handling stress, friendships, confidence, study skills and building good habits.

Can I ask you something?

If there was one area of life you wish felt easier right now, what would it be?

Do you think learning some skills around that could help?

Would you like to sit down together and have a chat with the coach and just see what it's all about?

No commitment.

No pressure.

Just a conversation."

Option 4: Because You're Worth Investing In

"I want you to know something.

This conversation isn't happening because I think something is wrong with you.

Actually, it's the opposite.

I think you're worth investing in.

I know growing up today isn't always easy. There are pressures and expectations that I didn't have at your age, and I know there might be things going on for you that I don't fully understand.

And that's okay.

As your parent, I want to do everything I can to help you build a happy, healthy and meaningful life.

Not just academically.

As a person.

This isn't therapy.

Nobody is trying to fix you.

Think of it as learning life skills.

School teaches a lot of things, but not always how to deal with stress, difficult people, confidence, friendships, setbacks and understanding yourself.

This program is all about helping young people build strong foundations for life.

What are your thoughts?

Does any part of that sound interesting to you?

Would you like to know more?

Would you be open to having a relaxed chat together with the coach and seeing if this is something that could be helpful for where you're at right now?

And if it's not, that's okay too.

I just want you to know that I believe in you and I want to give you every opportunity to thrive."

Option 5: The Level Up Conversation

"You know how in games, sports or anything we care about, we level up by learning new skills?

Life's kind of the same.

Nobody expects you to just know how to deal with stress, confidence, friendships, pressure, exams, motivation or figuring out who you are.

Most adults are still trying to work some of that out.

And honestly, I wish someone had taught me this stuff when I was younger.

That's why I wanted to tell you about something.

It's not therapy.

I don't think there's anything wrong with you.

Think of it as a Level Up program.

It's training for life.

And maybe there are things happening for you right now that you wish were easier.

Maybe school.

Maybe stress.

Maybe confidence.

Maybe friendships.

Maybe just feeling less overwhelmed sometimes.

Whatever it is, I want you to know you don't have to figure everything out alone.

As your parent, I want to give you opportunities and support that help you build a happy and healthy life, both now and as you move into adulthood.

What do you think?

Is this something you might be interested in?

Would you like me to show you more?

Would you like to sit with me and have a chat with the coach who runs it?

She's a psychologist and a mum too, and the conversation is really just about getting to know you and seeing whether this feels like something that could help you level up in life.

No pressure.

No expectations.

Just exploring whether it's the right fit for you right now.

Because I think you're worth investing in, and I want to help you build strong foundations for the life ahead."

What Your Teen Will Learn In The Core Foundations Program™

PART 1: CORE SELF™

Understanding & Regulating Yourself

Know Yourself First

Young people learn:

• Nervous system regulation
• Emotional awareness
• Stress and anxiety management
• Identity, values and strengths
• Grounding and coping skills
• Emotional regulation strategies

"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." — Aristotle

PART 2: CORE GROWTH™

Focus, Motivation & Achievement

Help Your Brain Work With You

Young people learn:

• Executive functioning skills
• Motivation and procrastination
• Study skills and memory
• Exam preparation
• Growth mindset
• Decision-making under stress

As Carol Dweck (2016) reminds us:

"Becoming is better than being."

PART 3: CORE CONNECTION™

Relationships, Confidence & Belonging

Build Healthy Relationships

Young people learn:

• Friendship skills
• Communication and boundaries
• Conflict resolution
• Bullying and emotional safety
• Rejection and exclusion
• Co-regulation and support networks

Research suggests that strong relationships are one of the greatest predictors of health and happiness across the lifespan (Waldinger & Schulz, 2023).

PART 4: CORE PURPOSE™

Resilience, Wellbeing & Building Your Future

Build A Life That Matters

Young people learn:

• Confidence and self-compassion
• Sleep and recovery
• Healthy habits
• Technology and social media awareness
• Purpose and meaning
• Goal setting
• Personal regulation plans

As Viktor Frankl (2006) wrote:

"Those who have a why to live, can bear almost any how."

One Final Thought About The Conversation

There is no perfect way to start this conversation.

And you don't need to get it perfect.

Research shows that young people thrive when they experience emotional safety, connection and support (Siegel, 2014).

Sometimes the most powerful message your young person can hear is:

"I'm not giving you this because I think something is wrong with you. I'm giving you this because I love you, I believe in you, and I want to help you learn some of life's most important lessons before life has to teach them the hard way."

Because qualifications matter.

But so do confidence, relationships, emotional wellbeing and self-understanding.

These are skills.

And skills can be learned.

About The Core Foundations Program™

The Core Foundations Program™ is a psychologist-developed life skills and emotional wellbeing program for young people aged 13–18.

Created by Elaine Collins, Registered Psychologist, the program integrates principles from:

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Emotion Regulation Theory
• Polyvagal Theory
• Positive Psychology
• Executive Functioning Research
• Growth Mindset Research
• Adolescent Development Research

Know Yourself. Build Your Future.

Strong Foundations for Life.

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How To Get Started

Starting doesn't have to feel overwhelming.

You don't need to have all the answers.

You don't need your young person to be "ready".

And you certainly don't need to wait until things are difficult before investing in skills that support emotional wellbeing and resilience.

As James Clear (2018) reminds us:

"You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems."

The Core Foundations Program™ is about helping young people build strong foundations and systems that support them not only now, but throughout life.

Step 1: Start With A Conversation

Choose one of the five conversation starters above that best suits your relationship with your young person.

Remember:

The goal is not to persuade.

The goal is not to pressure.

The goal is simply to open the door to curiosity and connection.

You might begin with:

"I'd love to tell you about something I've come across. There's no pressure. I just wondered whether it might be something that could help make life a little easier."

Or:

"If there was one thing in life that you wish felt easier right now, what would it be?"

Sometimes the conversation itself is the first step.

Step 2: Explore The Program Together

If your young person is interested, take some time to explore the program together.

Talk about:

• What interests them.
• What challenges they are currently navigating.
• What they would like life to feel more like.
• What they hope to get out of the experience.

You might ask:

• "Which part sounds most interesting?"
• "What would you like to get better at?"
• "What do you think school doesn't really teach enough about?"
• "What would you like your future self to thank you for?"

Remember, there are no right or wrong answers.

Curiosity is enough.

Step 3: Arrange An Introductory Conversation

Sometimes it helps to speak with someone outside the family.

As a Registered Psychologist and a mum, I understand that every young person is different.

An introductory conversation provides an opportunity to:

• Ask questions.
• Learn more about the program.
• Explore whether it feels like a good fit.
• Understand how the program works.
• Identify which areas might be most helpful right now.

Most importantly, the conversation is relaxed, informal and collaborative.

There is no pressure or obligation.

The goal is simply to explore whether this is the right next step for your young person.

Step 4: Begin With The First Foundation

Everything starts with understanding.

Young people begin with:

CORE SELF™

Understanding & Regulating Yourself

Because before we can focus, build relationships or create a meaningful future, we first need to understand ourselves.

As Socrates famously said:

"To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom."

Step 5: Focus On Progress, Not Perfection

There is no expectation that your young person will master everything immediately.

Growth takes time.

Skills take practice.

Confidence develops gradually.

Research on growth mindset reminds us that abilities and coping skills can be developed through effort, practice and support (Dweck, 2016).

The aim is not perfection.

The aim is progress.

Small steps repeated consistently create meaningful change.

Step 6: Celebrate Growth Along The Way

Sometimes growth is easy to see.

Sometimes it is subtle.

Progress might look like:

• Asking for help.
• Managing stress differently.
• Recovering faster after difficult moments.
• Feeling more confident.
• Starting assignments earlier.
• Communicating more openly.
• Setting healthier boundaries.
• Understanding emotions better.
• Being kinder to themselves.

These things matter.

As Brené Brown (2010) reminds us:

"Talk to yourself like someone you love."

A Final Thought For Parents

There is no perfect parent.

And there is no perfect teenager.

We are all learning.

We are all growing.

The greatest gift we can offer our young people is not the absence of struggle.

It is the presence of support, connection and opportunities to learn the skills that help them navigate life.

As Viktor Frankl (2006) wrote:

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves."

The Core Foundations Program™ was created with that belief in mind.

Not because young people need fixing.

But because they deserve the opportunity to understand themselves, build confidence and develop the life skills that will support them long after they leave school.

Ready To Begin?

Step 1

Start the conversation.

Step 2

Explore the program together.

Step 3

Book an introductory conversation.

Step 4

Begin with CORE SELF™.

Step 5

Build strong foundations for life.

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The Core Foundations Program™

Know Yourself. Build Your Future.

Strong Foundations for Life.

Created by Elaine Collins, Registered Psychologist

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References

Aristotle. (n.d.). Nicomachean ethics.

Brown, B. (2010). The gifts of imperfection. Hazelden.

Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits: An easy & proven way to build good habits & break bad ones. Avery.

Covey, S. R. (1989). The 7 habits of highly effective people. Simon & Schuster.

Durlak, J. A., Weissberg, R. P., Dymnicki, A. B., Taylor, R. D., & Schellinger, K. B. (2011). The impact of enhancing students' social and emotional learning: A meta-analysis of school-based universal interventions. Child Development, 82(1), 405–432. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2010.01564.x

Dweck, C. S. (2016). Mindset: The new psychology of success (Updated ed.). Random House.

Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man's search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)

Lair, J. (n.d.). Children are not things to be molded, but people to be unfolded. Commonly attributed quotation.

Siegel, D. J. (2014). Brainstorm: The power and purpose of the teenage brain. TarcherPerigee.

Waldinger, R., & Schulz, M. (2023). The good life: Lessons from the world's longest scientific study of happiness. Simon & Schuster.

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Evidence Base Underpinning The Core Foundations Program™

Bandura, A. (1997). Self-efficacy: The exercise of control. W. H. Freeman.

Beck, J. S. (2021). Cognitive behavior therapy: Basics and beyond (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development: Experiments by nature and design. Harvard University Press.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (2000). The "what" and "why" of goal pursuits: Human needs and the self-determination of behavior. Psychological Inquiry, 11(4), 227–268. https://doi.org/10.1207/S15327965PLI1104_01

Dweck, C. S. (2006). Mindset: The new psychology of success. Random House.

Gilbert, P. (2010). Compassion focused therapy: Distinctive features. Routledge.

Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional intelligence. Bantam Books.

Gross, J. J. (2015). Emotion regulation: Current status and future prospects. Psychological Inquiry, 26(1), 1–26. https://doi.org/10.1080/1047840X.2014.940781

Hayes, S. C., Strosahl, K. D., & Wilson, K. G. (2016). Acceptance and commitment therapy: The process and practice of mindful change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT® skills training manual (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.

Masten, A. S. (2014). Ordinary magic: Resilience in development. Guilford Press.

Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow.

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton.

Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (3rd ed.). Guilford Press.

Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Flourish: A visionary new understanding of happiness and well-being. Free Press.

Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in society: The development of higher psychological processes. Harvard University Press.

Wolpow, R., Johnson, M. M., Hertel, R., & Kincaid, S. O. (2016). The heart of learning and teaching: Compassion, resiliency, and academic success. Office of Superintendent of Public Instruction.

Theoretical Frameworks Represented Throughout The Core Foundations Program™

• Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
• Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
• Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT)
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
• Emotion Regulation Theory
• Polyvagal Theory
• Positive Psychology
• Growth Mindset Theory
• Self-Determination Theory
• Self-Efficacy Theory
• Attachment Theory
• Social Emotional Learning (SEL)
• Developmental Psychology
• Executive Functioning Research
• Resilience Theory
• Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT)
• Bronfenbrenner's Ecological Systems Theory
• Social Learning Theory
• Adolescent Brain Development Research

These evidence-based frameworks collectively underpin the design and content of The Core Foundations Program™, supporting young people to develop emotional regulation, resilience, confidence, healthy relationships, study skills and lifelong wellbeing.

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